Tonight was no different as I was talking to a dear friend who I met earlier this year and upon learning my little "life secret" responded the same. I always appreciate the response and understand that for someone who has not had to deal with that loss it most likely is unimaginable. Tonight, though, I found myself responding differently.
In past conversations I've responded with "It's funny because I can't imagine life with her because this is just about all I've ever known." While this is true to a degree, I realized tonight that imaging my life with her is, sometimes, all I do. I wonder what it would be like to call her on Sunday afternoon for a girls shopping trip. To meet up for lunch just because we have some time. I wonder what it would be like to cry on her shoulder because someone has broken my heart or to share with her that I got "the job", am engaged or pregnant. I even wonder what it would be like to argue with her (because a good mama always loves to share her opinion...wanted or not!)
While the life I tend to often imagine will unfortunately never be for me I suppose it really is ok to dream. Even if it's a dream you know will never come true sometimes holding on to what could have been really isn't a bad thing. It certainly hurts to know those things will never be for me but I like to imagine them and think that one day she'll be there in spirit as I enjoy those things with my little girl.
So here's to holding on to what might have been and looking forward to what will be. After all what fun is life without a little daydreaming?!?! :o)
Awwwwww :o)
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing. I was visiting with an 11 year girl who I just met and she mentioned her mom had recently passed away. My heart was sad for her, but I didn't know how to respond. I still have my mom today and I can't imagine what is it like at the age of 10 and 11 to miss your mom. I can see where A LOT of daydreaming would take place. You've touched my heart. Thanks! Stopping by from SITS.
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