Daydreamer

Revealing to a new friend that my mom passed away when I was barely 10 yrs old has always been a point of awkwardness for me. I'm always wondering when it's going to come up & how to let someone know the answer to their "Where do your parents live?" questions without making them feel bad for asking. For almost 20 years I've dealt with this little dilemma and am almost always met with the very sweet and sympathetic "I can't imagine that!"

Tonight was no different as I was talking to a dear friend who I met earlier this year and upon learning my little "life secret" responded the same. I always appreciate the response and understand that for someone who has not had to deal with that loss it most likely is unimaginable. Tonight, though, I found myself responding differently.

In past conversations I've responded with "It's funny because I can't imagine life with her because this is just about all I've ever known." While this is true to a degree, I realized tonight that imaging my life with her is, sometimes, all I do. I wonder what it would be like to call her on Sunday afternoon for a girls shopping trip. To meet up for lunch just because we have some time. I wonder what it would be like to cry on her shoulder because someone has broken my heart or to share with her that I got "the job", am engaged or pregnant. I even wonder what it would be like to argue with her (because a good mama always loves to share her opinion...wanted or not!)

While the life I tend to often imagine will unfortunately never be for me I suppose it really is ok to dream. Even if it's a dream you know will never come true sometimes holding on to what could have been really isn't a bad thing. It certainly hurts to know those things will never be for me but I like to imagine them and think that one day she'll be there in spirit as I  enjoy those things with my little girl.

So here's to holding on to what might have been and looking forward to what will be. After all what fun is life without a little daydreaming?!?! :o)

Awwwwww :o) 

Valuing the Values

Again, it's with a thankful heart that I start this post. What am I thankful for tonight??? My company, Sephora, and my Store Director, Monette!!!

I've worked for 3 different companies and of course 3 different bosses since I've come home from Australia (not including my current company & boss.) With each of these jobs there was a certain set of values and "family atmosphere" that was spoken about in my interview and in the first few days of working for each of these (well, maybe not as much with the lawfirm.) With each I soon began to realize that it was all complete crap and none of them meant it (couldn't think of a nicer way to write that lol.)

On June 7th I was introduced to the values of Sephora (Intitiative, Teamwork, Expertise, Passion, Innovation, Respect for All & Work/Life Balance. ) I have to admit, it was definitely in one ear and out the other that first day. Obviously there was a lot going on but even more so it was that I'd heard it all before and it all seemed more like something the company would like to believe they believed in, or practiced, but didn't care to take the time to implement. As we moved onto training and had more interactions with other Sephora long time employees I began to see a common "Sephora DNA" (as I like to call it.) Each of these people truly represented each of the values that had been explained to us that first day.

Today, it was the last one, Work/Life Balance, that was really driven home for me personally. My Store Director, Monette, saw that I was basically one more "are you ok?" away from tears and sent me home. It was extremely hot, my knees, calves, ankles & feet were all rebelling against me and I was incredibly dizzy. As she walked me out from backstage she very adamantly explained to never stand up there in pain without letting her know. She has been very diligent since we started merchandising the store to always check on me and make sure I'm ok, and usually I am, but today it kind of all hit me at once. It's moments like this (and many others) throughout my short time at Sephora that have built such excitement and gratitude for my new job.

While I certainly love my curves and have no desire to be a stick figure (not that I could be), having this job has pushed me to a point I've never been before. I want to make a change so I can be the best "me" I can be at my job. I'm thankful for it and I want to have it for a long time. While I did order a pricey pair of shoes to help support all the goods, it's only a ban-aid fix. I want to be able to do anything I'm asked for my job, to serve my clients with confidence. When I left Australia I was considerably smaller and my confidence was considerably higher. I felt AAAAAMAZING! I loved the way I looked and I just felt light as air! I was still on the heavier side of life but I didn't feel like it held me back from anything, now I do. I feel like my weight is a hundred pound backpack that has knocked me off the ladder one too many times.

So, I don't have a plan. I'm not sure what I'll do but this is a new driver & purpose for me. It's not for an engagement ring, wedding, a vacation, a man, a baby or an item of clothing, it's simply for me! Everything in my life is wonderful except this one little area and quite frankly I'm just tired of being held down. I've never had this much peace and awesomeness all at once before. My job has always been a "just have to" point of life for me and now it's a place I can't wait to be at! 

And now for a little laugh via a search in google images :o)

My Tally Girls

As I laid in bed tonight (trying so desperately to fall asleep) I realized that in two weeks I'll be with my beautiful bestie, Jenn, and meeting her 2 month old baby boy, Gavin! With that I began think of my girls that I see while I'm in Tallahassee and how much fun I have when I'm with each of them. The more and more I thought about it, the happier I got...then I realized, wow I'm one lucky chick to have these girls. My relationships and what I love about each is completely different from one to the next but what remains with all is that rare rich connection that has bonded us for life. So, let me introduce you to a few of my girls...

My cousin, Ami, has been more than a bestie to me since I was born. We grew up together and were often mistaken for twin sisters, which is pretty much how I view her still to this day. Nobody will ever be able to share the experiences and the bond Ami and I do because well, we great up together. We can recall memories of singing "Bang Bang Lou Lou" in the back of the car and giggling at the bad words we shouldn't have known but our grandma taught us anyway. We'll never forget the cake in the face birthday (she knows what I'm talking about) or playing poker at 7 years old with dry pinto beans. Nobody else can recall planning to open a restaurant together called A&L's where she'd cook and I'd bake. Probably the most poignant memory we share is of my mom. None of my girlfriends had the pleasure of knowing my mom, but Ami can reflect back on her with me...that's kinda priceless for me. What I love most is that no matter how much we talk, we can always count on each other for that hour long call if we need it! It really is like having a sister, cousin just isn't the right word for us! It's moments like tonight where I stop and realize what an a blessing it really is to have her in my life. God knew exactly what He was doing when He brought us to our moms at the times He did.

So, then there's Kimmy. Ok, I cannot remember why, but for some reason we stopped talking for quite a few years some time ago (I'm sure it was for what we thought at the time were good reasons but after reconnecting I can't think of any reason good enough to justify the time.) I remember being so nervous when we saw each other for the first time after so long but being SOOO ecstatic when it was like no time at all had passed. If there's one thing I can always count on with Kim it's to give me a good laugh, to keep me grounded and to always be willing to go to that deeper level at the most unexpected moments. She's that girlfriend that you can be laughing with in one breath and that tearing up in the next. I'm not sure if it's the hours of countless laughs or the moments of deep insight that I treasure most but what I do know is that having her back in my life has meant more to me than this blog can convey (and I'm not letting her go this time!) ;o)

Theeeeen there's Jennifer! Oh my Jenn!! There's simply no one else like my Jennifer. We've been through it all and at the end of the day I simply love her. There are a few people I would do absolutely anything for in my life and Jenn is certainly one of those few. What I love about her is that I can talk to her about ANYTHING!!! She is that close girlfriend that I so wished for when I was little and, as I've told her many times, I so believe God paired up with my mommy to send me Jennifer. You know there's that cheesy little christian saying of "when I count my blessings, I count you twice" well as cheesy as it is, that's how I feel about her. There's something about when we're hanging out together that feels like I'm me and I'm home again (maybe we were sisters in a past life.) She travelled across the world (literally) to see Australia with me and to fly home by my side (who does that?!?!) Whenever I'm an uncontrollable hot mess of tears and can't speak a word, I can call her and trust that she'll just let me cry till I can tell her what's wrong (yes, this has happened on more than one occasion.) I suspect it's her maternal heart but there's something about when she's calming me down that just brings a peace into my world. It almost feels like my mom is talking through her some times. With that maternal part comes her protective mama bear side over me. If Jenn loves you then nobody better mess with you! She's very protective over the hearts of the ones she loves and to be completely honest not having my mom has often times left me feeling like I don't matter but when Jenn's mama claws come out, I know I'm important to someone. I always know when she's helping me with something that it's always coming from a place of love (whether I would like to hear what she's saying or not.)

While there are a few more girls in my life that I love and completely appreciate (don't worry, your post will come), these are just my Tally girls. I couldn't help but lay here tonight overjoyed in my heart and so peaceful in my soul as I thought about seeing them in just TWO weeks!!! Each time I think about being in their midst a smile is sure to be on my face because I know laughter is not far away. Each trip is a memory sealed in my heart filled with love and laughter that I'm certain has extended my years!

So, dear Jesus, thanks for the amazing women you've surrounded me with and even moreso, thanks for reminded me of just how amazing they are and how blessed I am! Few people in life can say they have a bestie like I can, even fewer can say they have more than one.

I love you girls...
~ L

What brings you peace...

The other day I was listening to random music on itunes and then I decided to turn it to something that settles my heart and soul, worship music. The more songs I listened to, the more settled and at peace I felt. It amazes me the power that music holds over us. The gentle and peaceful flow of the song mixed with the life changing lyrics somehow manage to go much further than just the ear. So, it got me thinking...what brings you peace?

For me, it's obviously worship but also sitting in silence. Oddly enough, one of my absolute favorite things in the world is driving in the car in complete silence! I am definitely not a person who has to have the radio blaring every time I get in the car. I fully enjoy the peaceful ride (especially if in the morning when on my way to work.) Sometimes I pray and sometimes I just let my mind wander freely while I travel to my destination. I've really come to enjoy the quiet over the last 8 or so years (I figure enjoy it before the kids because I'm sure it'll be rare after they arrive.) :)

Here's a video of one of the songs I play when life is at its most stressful. There's nothing better I can do for myself in those times than to remind myself to be still and know....

Here's to finding what brings you peace in the midst of chaos...

The good 'ol Start and Stop

Well, here I am, quite some time later (as seems to be the trend with this blog.) One of my oldest besties, Kim, just recently started a new blog. In the process of helping her get started I found myself really itching to get back into both of mine. Then this morning she lovingly informed me that I needed to get back into it because she needed something else to follow & read, so this one is for you Kimmy! :)

In light of the start and stop trend of this particular blog I'm wondering, what do you start and stop in your life? What do you think causes the start and stop for you? With me it's the simply laziness. I have no adorable babies *yet* and until about 3 weeks ago I had no job. I am in school but it's online so let's be honest, I do it all at the laaaaast minute. So, my only reason for my start and stop is pure laziness! The more and more I think about it I'm finding that this little laziness issue is causing me to miss out on a lot of great things in life.

This blog, for instance...I LOVE sharing thoughts/ideas/tips/random life ponderings with and asking questions of other women (and some men too.) A blog is a great forum for that because it's like one big living room couch with some people you may know very well and some you may not know at all. So why in the world (especially when I know very few people in the area I'm living in) would I ever NOT continue to blog? I'm missing out on sharing with you all and hearing back! It's the ultimate chick thing to do, TALK!

Something else I feel I'm missing out on, adventure and life experiences! I've been wanting to go to these really neat caves they have in the area but have just never taken the time to really figure out where they are or how to go about doing it. I think this is in part because I feel like we'll always have the opportunity. It's the 'ol "ahh, tomorrow's another day" mentality. The older I get, the less acceptable this thought becomes and yet it's also my most frequent thought.

Probably the one that should be least put off is the good 'ol weight loss/life change start and stop. Ohhh you know you've been there, don't even pretend! This one is probably the one that should get my attention the MOST and yet, nada! I have it all planned out in my head, I see the skinny girl inside me running long distances, oh she's so cute but alas, the big girl is tired from walking up the stairs and can't be bothered! She's afraid of what people will think of her in the apartment gym or walking about in the neighborhood. Maybe this one is a mixture of confidence and laziness but it's certainly the one that needs to be addressed the most (more on that in a later post.)

So here we are, one finished blog and only about 5 minutes later (YAY!) I can now say I've finished something today! Small as it may be, it's a start and this time, NO STOP! Life is on a curve right now and this curvy chick is excited to see what's around the bend and I can't wait to CONTINUE sharing it with you!

Let me know your stop and starts below! I'm nosey, I mean curious :o)

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

WOW!!! It's 2010 you guys!!! I'm so excited for all that not just this year but this whole new decade has within it. I can totally sense the potential and I plan to completely fulfill mine this year!

I'm starting back on Weight Watchers along with my Pauli and Jenn. For the first time ever I'm completely motivated, excited and full of faith that this is going to be the end of this struggle and the beginning of a new healthy life!!! I'm really excited about the tools that I have to help me stay on track. Paul and I recently got the Droid Eris phones from Verizon and there's an awesome app on there that allows you to scan products that have barcodes and it'll come up with the nutrition info. There's also a website that you can sync with or you can manually enter your info if you don't have access to the app. The website is www.fatsecret.com .

I'm also really excited about the cookbooks I got for Christmas which are the Hungry Girl regular cookbook and the Hungry Girl 200 under 200. Last night I also purchased the pink Better Homes & Gardens Cookbook. It's not necessarily a "healthy cookbook" but it has the nutrition info at the end of each recipe and its jam packed with awesome recipes, tips and tricks, I highly recommend that one. Just before Christmas I purchased the 2009 Weight Watchers Cookbook and I'm really not that impressed with it and will probably take it back and order the older version which I use to have but lost in the move to AL.

Aside from getting healthy this year I'm also looking forward to meeting new people via getting more involved in our church here (I really miss having close, local, girlfriends) getting better at finances, moving along in school and hopefully, possibly, just maybe getting ENGAGED!!! I'm really excited about planning a wedding and hopefully ending the year with a beautiful honeymoon in St. Lucia! Ahhhhhh

Ok I think that's enough for now. I'm so happy to have opened the new year with you!!! Thirty four minutes in and its looking pretty good!!! Love and big big hugs to you all (all 2 of you, lol)!

xoxo

A little shift can be good...

WOW! It's been forever since I've posted on here but its a good thing. My purpose for this blog has shifted a little bit. I'm still going to update you on my journey of losing weight but over the time since the last blog I've felt a nudge from God to make this more about what I love most, God's Girls! I'm going to share with you whatever God is sharing with me and also tips for the savvy chick. Those will be little quick tips I've discovered at that time that I think might help you along the way. Whether it be with food/losing weight, with household stuff, beauty, fashion, where to find deals (I'm a serious coupon junky, haha), if it relates to being a chick I'll post it! I'm not saying I have it all together (quite the opposite actually) or that I'm the guru chick on being a chick. I just simply love the idea of coming together as a company of women to share on how to do life well and do life better! With that being said this is your spot too! So, share all of your savvy chick tips as well - that's what its all about! My heart's passion is to see every woman (young and younger, hehe) on this planet find her true beautiful identity & to then see her help those in her world do the same! And with that here's a quote from a little study section in my Bible...

"A woman's effectiveness multiplies when she is confident that she has a powerful place in the ongoing purposes of God..."

OK that is simply just truth at its best!!! That statement is just so loaded with messages! I love it! But bottom line, we MUST figure out who we are in Him so that we can figure out our purpose so that our effectiveness will multiply and not be completely wasted! I can say with ALL of my heart that the ONE thing that has gotten me through the roughest times in my life has been KNOWING and I mean KNOWING (as in you just can't turn it off in your head, your heart, your mind, your spirit, its there 24/7) God's purpose for my life!!! Eventually I'll make a post about how I realized God's call on my life but for now just know that when you figure that out it changes everything! Giving up is no longer an option, you can't help but think generationally (spell check is telling me that's not a word, haha).

There's so much on my heart that I want to share with you and I can't wait to hear back from you! And of course this is all in faith that there will be people reading, haha!

Until next time ladies... find a mirror and wink at yourself! :o)